I'll Wear But Shades of Gray

Everything has gone too fast. I don't really care,
since there is no way in which it will be the same as before.
I don't care about the aftermath and the results
come totally irrelevant. Soon I will have to go back to solitude,
though I have always belonged there. I don't, yet, find it
attractive anymore. For a while I thought I'd never have
to return but, once again, life made me crash against reality.
If I win or lose, it's just the same.
Everything is just a tasteless pill.
Every achievement is just a moment of brightness
that feebly sparkles for a little while and
then leaves bitterness only.
It brings no happiness at all.

I just let the most poignant moments of my life slip through.
The inner void fades me slowly to gray.

Since I let you go, all the faery tales
that were left for me disappeared.
There was no reason not to go after you
and try to reach you. You momentarily brought
light in my life, but the intensity scared me,
kept me away, even if you shimmered on purpose
to draw me closer to you. But my fears shackled me.
You went away and I missed an opportunity for
dawn. I realized quite late of what I had
done and tried to find you.
Yet I discovered that you would never come back.
Your eyes would never light mine again.
It was just a little while. I only saw you once.
I never knew who you were but that sufficed to make me
fall in love with you, to remember you since then.
You are the only one who has moved me.
You are the first woman who touched my heart
with one single stare. I've never felt the same for someone else again.
Since I met you, I began to count the days.
I can almost touch the emptiness I feel.
No matter what I do, life won't ever bring you back to me.
I can only cling to the afterglow that your presence
left me. From then on, I have hated myself.
Maybe now I could stand by your side and fall asleep in your
arms at night. I would not have to stalk the distance
and wait for your arrival, since you would be with me.
My life would be happier. My heart would not crumble.
I would always be there for you.

"All that could have been
remains with me internally lost."

When the day raises I long for the night,
so that I will sleep again and try
to dream of you.