The Saddest Episode

I never thought that certain anime series would break my heart again, just like Bosco Adventure's final episode did seventeen years ago. Yet, I guess this excerpt from Full Metal Alchemist went even further. After I watched this, I was six years old and heartbroken again.

Shield

Protect me from all those people who intend to do me any kind of harm. Drive them away from my life. Please, everything that was meant to be granted to me has been denied to me. Please, do not turn your back on me. Please, do not ever forsake me.

Taking Leave

I must go off now, but I don't know where to. I'll need a place to stay, to lay to rest. I have to manage on my own but I feel to weak to start. It will be hard and I'm too scared. I wish I had somebody to help me out there. I wish I could find a kind soul who gave me shelter. I wish I could find her once again. I wish she came and saved me. I wish she took me in. The world is way too huge to face it alone.

Genius

David Bowie is a genius. I put this track of his in the playlist I listen to when I go out in the night and wander away and, besides, its lyrics perfectly fit the circumstances and the scenery. Everyone should listen this song while walking around on their own.

Waving From the Distance

Para Memo (si es que vuelve por estos lugares)

En algunos casos sí logro aceptar lo inevitable. Desde el inicio, siempre supe que el momento llegaría, y también supe que lamentarse estaba fuera de lugar. Es una norma no escrita, aceptar llanamente ciertas cosas como son y el final de éstas. Son sólo ciclos que terminarían de cualquier forma.

Todos comienzan a irse. Descubren sus respectivos caminos y nadie puede detenerlos. Ya no creo en el destino como solía hacerlo antes. Tampoco existe un plan maestro que rige las cosas (a menos que el caos y el azar sean las bases del aquél). Estas despedidas son más bien accidentes recurrentes. Simplemente suceden. No obstante, las personas que se marchan tienen sus motivos para irse, con los cuales intentan justificarse. Y, también es una ley implícita no contradecirlos ni cuestionarlos. Sólo ellos entienden sus verdaderas razones. Sin embargo, las circunstancias en las que estas despedidas suceden parecen ser accidentales, pues nadie espera que sucedan, y menos cuando uno no encuentra razones. En este sentido, hasta los motivos de las personas podrían ser accidentes.

Cabe aclarar que la naturaleza de los accidentes no tiene por qué ser maligna, pues ellos no pretenden hacer daño. No es su culpa, sólo tienen mala fama. Sólo pagan por el desastre que sus hijas, las consecuencias, desatan. Espero que, por obra de un accidente benigno, yo también logre encontrar mi motivación para irme. Aunque no pienso abandonar este lugar, pues creo que mi ciclo aquí todavía no termina.

Ultimate Stage

Never thought this would happen, but I can't believe it. Annette is too far away from me now. Therefore, it doesn't hurt like before anymore. Days are in transit and the pain ebbs. I begged to find her anywhere. I walked the same roads where I lost her just to accidentally meet her, but the accident never happened. My longing for her dwindles and I'm afraid I will stop loving her and, in the end, she will turn into a blurry flash that flows through my conscience. I thought this would last for ages but, something in me is getting tired. I can barely remember what I felt for her back then.

Annette has not even appeared in my dreams. She has never been there for me. Today, she is not there either. I have to be awake to collect tiny fragments of her picture but then they fly away when I try to put the jigsaw together. I wish she was there to save me, in the realm dreams, at least. She is not there. I could never reach out for her. I try to keep up with everything, yet I can't bear the anguish as I feel how she is going away from me again, just as it happened two years ago. I can't bear the guilt for letting her slip slowly from my reach. I can't bear all the things that could have been, had I just dared to go for her, to make the first move. I can't bear seeing how my love for her runs out.

I never knew her true name. I decided to call her Annette because such beautiful woman should never be condemned to namelessness. Such woman, for whom I felt what I never thought I would, cannot take part uncredited in such story. I am letting Annette go again and I can't do anything. If I could just see her once again, everything would be easier. But Annette never drops by when I lay to rest, during the moment that makes my existence worthwhile because only asleep I'm content. I only see her awake, when I am aware of my true state, when I am in pain because I'm awake. The whole world, even those people I have never seen or cared about, crashes my dreams but her. She's never wanted to come along.

One day, after a slow departure, Annette will abandon me here. Once again, I will weep like a child who's been waiting for hours to be picked up but has been forgotten. In the worst case-scenario, I will finally regard her as a mere accident, just like everything else in my life. When that time has come, she will be out of my life for ever.

Boredom

Desde hace más de una semana he estado demasiado tiempo en casa. La contingencia ha fastidiado todo tipo de opciones para salir a divertirse. La escuela está cerrada y me aburro demasiado. Tampoco he salido a correr, lo cual no significa que esté aterrado por la supuesta pandemia. Supuestamente la famosa enfermedad fue detectada desde inicios del mes pasado y nadie hizo nada, pero tampoco quiero exponerme a que algún incoherente, cuyas angustias se conviertan en síntomas físicos, me infecte, pues la gente se deja amedrentar fácilmente por el miedo que las autoridades difunden a lo largo del día. Lejos de mencionar todas las especulaciones, la única forma efectiva de curar un resfriado es beber muchos líquidos y descansar lo más posible. Las abundantes soluciones rápidas son sólo placebos. Sin embargo, mientras el resto de la población tarda en darse cuenta todo quedará paralizado hasta dentro de cinco días. Es increíble pero, ya me urge retomar mi rutina.