Ultimate Stage

Never thought this would happen, but I can't believe it. Annette is too far away from me now. Therefore, it doesn't hurt like before anymore. Days are in transit and the pain ebbs. I begged to find her anywhere. I walked the same roads where I lost her just to accidentally meet her, but the accident never happened. My longing for her dwindles and I'm afraid I will stop loving her and, in the end, she will turn into a blurry flash that flows through my conscience. I thought this would last for ages but, something in me is getting tired. I can barely remember what I felt for her back then.

Annette has not even appeared in my dreams. She has never been there for me. Today, she is not there either. I have to be awake to collect tiny fragments of her picture but then they fly away when I try to put the jigsaw together. I wish she was there to save me, in the realm dreams, at least. She is not there. I could never reach out for her. I try to keep up with everything, yet I can't bear the anguish as I feel how she is going away from me again, just as it happened two years ago. I can't bear the guilt for letting her slip slowly from my reach. I can't bear all the things that could have been, had I just dared to go for her, to make the first move. I can't bear seeing how my love for her runs out.

I never knew her true name. I decided to call her Annette because such beautiful woman should never be condemned to namelessness. Such woman, for whom I felt what I never thought I would, cannot take part uncredited in such story. I am letting Annette go again and I can't do anything. If I could just see her once again, everything would be easier. But Annette never drops by when I lay to rest, during the moment that makes my existence worthwhile because only asleep I'm content. I only see her awake, when I am aware of my true state, when I am in pain because I'm awake. The whole world, even those people I have never seen or cared about, crashes my dreams but her. She's never wanted to come along.

One day, after a slow departure, Annette will abandon me here. Once again, I will weep like a child who's been waiting for hours to be picked up but has been forgotten. In the worst case-scenario, I will finally regard her as a mere accident, just like everything else in my life. When that time has come, she will be out of my life for ever.