Weird Wishes

Everyone enjoys self-delusion in many ways. It appears as a kind psychollogical self-preservation strategy people's sticking to a faith, a wish, even a religious belief. Lately people want to believe their national team, however crappy and disappointing its usual performance in the pitch turned to be, will ever make it to the top, even if such team never gets over the heat rounds.

But we all enjoy wishful thinking because, in such environment, we can handle chances, all that could have been yet never came. We'd love to read through what was never told without vague hints, just to make out the most suitable meaning for us to grow self-esteem, or to comfort ourselves because reality bit quite sharp and the wounds we bear don't seem to heal in any way. I sometimes enjoy deluding myself about certain women. In my dreamt-up reality, one of them was the only one who, somehow, has loved me the most so far. Every now and then she shows up in my dreams, but the image of hers I can see is only a flashy overview to the naked eye of her looks (i.e. skin, hair, and eyes colour) but I can't make out the accurate frame of her features anymore. Even if I can barely remember her, her (re-)actions left a permanent footnote I still can't understand, thence my imagination tries to shape the things that happened. There is, however, a more special case I keep lingering on, though my imagination has to work overtime, since in it nothing but a shooting-star-like encounter happened. There is no day that goes by on which I don't think of her, of what could've happened had I dared to move close to her. Sometimes I wish I was beside her, lying in her arms. I know I will hardly meet her again and, luckily, she will be available. Sometimes I like to believe she was lonely and wanted me to go and save her. Sometimes I want to believe she still remembers me and, wherever she may be, she hovers above and guards me. My life does not orbit around a religious point of view per se, but occasionally I see her saying some protection prayers for me at night. In a kind of network she can trace my movements and grant me guidance everytime I need it so I won't get lost.

Sometimes I enjoy colouring my reality with nice pictures. If life is not beautifully enough furnished, I'll try to come up with something I can rely on every now and then.