Oddity

I still don't know how this began. How come I ended up there? I've restlessly toured the vacuum of the city just to be its loyal spectator. I have given up any hope because it would be easier. I guess I really don't care if I spend my time on my own. However, it is different. As usual I don't know her, but she comes to me anyway. I can't even see her face but she sits her slender body on my lap. I don't reject her, though. I let her do what she wants to me as her arms surround me. I reluctantly look up. Strangely I kiss her neck. My lips feel her throbbing throat. She holds me tighter.

Someone else has been calling me since several weeks ago. It seems she still remembers me but I ignore her reasons. Yet, her speech seems to be cryptic and I don't know how to read it through. I'm not sure whether I want to deal with it. Maybe it doesn't mean anything. What shall I do if it means anything for certain? What does scare me the most? Am I afraid of her turning me down, or am I even more afraid of her picking me? I just don't know.