24 Months Later

In that afternoon I drifted through void-crowded streets. The flowing hours urged me to make up my mind and retreat into my shelter. I was not tired at all. Walking directionlessly had not given any fruitful result. Nothing appealed to me; nothing was a reason to stay there. No retains at all. I was going back to the place where I belong, where nothing but the Sabbath of Emptiness waited for me.

I expected nothing from no one. The sunset released the flood of twilight that grew my anxieties. After a long time of waiting for my departure you came in, out of the blue. Immediately, I fell for you. I noticed that you wanted to join your stare to mine. From all the places you could've moved to you stayed close to me. Even if fear made me look aside I felt you seeing me through, though I also felt you meant no harm at all. The clear beauty in your eyes reflected plentiful mildness but deep loneliness, too. Even if your dark hair was tied some fringes hung beside your glance, making it the most perfect to me. I barely was brave enough to look the rest of you and realized of your fragile look, a look I wish I could protect from anything now. The void inside me would have been torn out from me at last, but it managed to hold the grips. I paralyzed. You are the first one who provokes these sort of reactions in me. It took me a few moments to feel for you what I ever felt for female acquaintances of mine in many years. Your slight movements made demands that I was so scared to hear, since I foolishly feared you would show me the cold shoulder if I tried to get close to you. But you would never let me down. It was I who let you down. No matter how much you would have loved me to be close to you I kept my distance.

As you moved out from my sight I tried to follow you, but I stood still, looking at how you went away, how I lost you to my fears. As you walked by a windowed red wall I could truly realize I had let you down. I still don't know why I didn't shook my angst off of me and followed you right away, just to know who you were. Since then you have become the green light of my eyes which I keep beating against the current for. Though I know I will never see you again I still catch you there. I still hold to the hope of finding you again and never let you go away from me. Nobody has been able to fill the gigantic gap your parting left me yet. I still want to find the reason why you momentarily came into my life. I wish I had had back then guts enough to ask you your name. Annette, Irina, Mary Jane, whatever name you could have had I still wish I could hold your hand now. I wish I could sleep in yours at night. I wish I could see your glance and never let it go. When life and circumstances kick me in the teeth, I wish I could be comforted by you as you draw my head onto your lap. I wish you were here to tell me that everything is going to be all right. I would pay you back in the same way, just for being there for me. I wish I wouldn't have to go to my memory just to see you again and find some shining in my life. If I ever see you again, I wish you never went out once I found you. If we ever get to be together, I would totally give myself up to you.